This is so cool and, believe it or not, I could sit and watch people blow glass all day long. I find the fact that you taught courses amazing and, if nothing else, you have the experience of doing it. I share your view on 'the process'. For me, it's writing. I don't expect to ever make a dime on my work (besides Kindle Vella bonuses, for however long those last) but I enjoy the process of sitting down and putting ideas to paper/computer screen. As for reclaiming part of myself that I've left behind, I could see myself doing that with drawing.
Go back and grab what was once yours. You have absolutely nothing to lose :)
Thanks so much, Mark! That flame is certainly mesmerising - I could sit and watch all day, too, even if I weren't doing it myself!
It's funny, this whole idea of the actual process of doing something being worth it, regardless of the end result. And you're right, that goes for writing too. When I started writing, all of my thoughts on writing were 'I MUST WRITE A BOOK'. Then I realised I needed to write in order to LEARN to write. So I starting writing about what I wanted to write about. And now I'm just loving writing. The process of writing is in itself an accomplishment.
And drawing - yes yes yes - reignite Drawing Mark, Mark! I LOVE it!
Oh, Rebecca. This is great is so many ways! The writing, your writing, of course.
I also love the William Morris quote. It is one of my favorites and one that I live by, as a minimalist. The Arts and Crafts Movement is one of my favorite time periods in architecture, design, and craftsmanship, so throwing a William Morris quote out there will grab my attention. But I love how you challenge his words with the things that you create and how the process of creating means so much more than the usefulness or beauty of the creation.
I love art glass and I imagine the process of creating, especially in that flow state, is so wonderful. While I have no desire to work with the flame, I so appreciate what goes into that creative process and the result. On our recent trip to Seattle, Washington, we visited the Chihuly Garden and Glass and it was so amazing. There was a heat wave in Seattle and the facility's air conditioning was not keeping up, so they had to close early on the afternoon we were scheduled to go, but we luckily were able to reschedule.
"The walls at home didn’t challenge me." Wow, that really got me and I can so relate. I am going to hold onto this and ponder it for a while. I was a homebody before Covid shut everything down (I am an Introvert and HSP, so home is my safe space), but I have definitely become even more of a homebody and I have been finding it so hard to get back out to do the things I enjoy. I could use a little challenge from the outside world.
Your glasswork and beads are so beautiful! Getting back into it for the pure joy of creating and how the process makes you feel is so great and inspiring, and makes your work even more beautiful!
William Morris was an extraordinary chap - he had so many strings to many bows, and knew his way around all of them. Fascinating.
Chihuly's work is quite something, right? I've been to a couple of his exhibitions over here - 'Gardens of Glass' at Kew - huge tongues and balloons of coloured glass making up the most amazing composite pieces either growing out of the ground or being part of the most amazing chandelier-style installations.
Home's my safe space, too. I'm all about home, and it will always be the most important point on my compass. The 'challenge' I was thinking about was the aggressive challenges being thrown at me in the workshop set against the fact that home doesn't beat me up and make me feel as if I'm failing. Well, most of the time!
Thank you too for your kind words about my work. I love pattern and detail, and making tiny beads with intricate designs is what I really loved. No, LOVE, not loved. Because I'm digging out that torch again! :D
Inspiring for its honesty and hope. For me as a writer, author, teacher (amateur painter and flutist), process is everything. You described the importance of process, working on the making, not the feedback from others that can be so discouraging—though closing the round, so to speak also calls me—and you did this with heart and soul. My need to help others overwhelms all else, even as I pursue these other projects. Thank you, Rebecca! xo
Aug 25, 2022·edited Aug 25, 2022Liked by Rebecca Holden
I love every bit of your post! Thank you for sharing...such brave writing. It's interesting as I'm in this moment right now with my career. Do I leave it behind or do I return. Thank you for inspiring me to dig a little deeper on this...I think for me it's the outside validation-I'm worthy— that is calling me back however that's not sustainable especially for my health. (I'm an adult and I'm still looking for that! Sigh) Thank you again. I'm really happy you are getting back to what you love and missed. Cheers to curiosity!
Gosh, thanks, Julie! I'm so glad it's inspired you.
Sustainability is a bit of a thing for me too. I go into things all fired up (if you'll pardon the pun) and then I tend to fizzle rather than sizzle.
The thing with my hobby-then-business is that I'd invested so much time and effort into it - and money - that I found I was having to justify it all the time. I HAD to sell, to teach, all that, in order to prove something. As soon as Covid started to take some of my choices away I had the opportunity to look at it from a different angle: that my workshop doesn't owe me anything, I don't HAVE to keep it forever just because I've got it now.
But saying goodbye to the business, as it turns out, doesn't mean I need to say goodbye to the craft. I'm glad I've now realised that! :D
Ah yes, this was just lovely! Thanks so much. I’ve been trying to pay attention to people’s “voices” in all the Substacks I read, and find myself gravitating to those that feel very unique and “authentic,” to use a terribly overused word. Your voice here is very strong and real.
What a cool talent you have! The beads are beautiful. I think they definitely satisfy Morris’ recommendation. And I’m a big believer that not everything has to serve an obvious purpose or pay for its keep—demanding that it does is often the way to spoil its magic. I used to think I wanted to train horses professionally because I loved riding so much, but trying to make a business of it (I’m not a business person either!) sucked all the joy out of it for me. It took a while before I rediscovered what I loved about it, this time on my terms :-) Glad you’ve found your inspiration again!
It’s a shame that all those years ago I hadn’t considered the joy-sucking implications of trying to turn a passion into a business. Still, all part of life’s journey, eh?! It’s wonderful that you rediscovered your love too, on YOUR terms. What a difference that makes! :D
I love this so much. (Also, honoured you chose to include my post.) But it speaks to something in me: the idea that we’re allowed to create without expectation of practicality or purpose, but to enjoy the process. To create art without giving a hoot about likes or shares, but to exist and explore. I hope you’re enjoying the re-emergence; certainly, what work you’ve shared is beautiful.
You do beautiful work! It takes a talent to be able to learn all of the intricacies of creating a specialty art like that. I like most art and these are so unique with them being so small. It's too bad you had to shutdown the teachings. I feel for you on the covid safe. I'm in that kind of situation still. I'm curious, did you do group or one-on-one workshops or both?
I did both - I could have up to four students at a time, and ran one-off taster, half-day and full-day workshops, plus longer courses made up of a session a week for four or five sessions. Many of my students would come back periodically to rent a torch by the hour, when they would pitch up and work on their own projects using my set-up. All great fun, especially in winter (those flames are HOT!).
Very beautifully written, if I may say so, and very brave decisions looked at from one perspective. I think you might feel an affinity with this story by Kahlil Gibran: The Gravedigger https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/58709/the-grave-digger
Writing this post gave me the (welcome) opportunity to expose to the light some of my feelings about giving up my workshop, but it had unexpectedly left me feeling rather sad.
That in itself is a point of learning: it has reiterated to me that words are powerful things which can have huge momentum. I should know this from my journalling practice!
I'll be posting again soon - I'm working on another piece about process, albeit very different. :D
Rebecca, I had no idea you had been a glass artist.
Your work looks stunning and I am glad the desire is becoming a slow burn again.
Covid was odd for creatives, I think. Dpn't you?
I thought that Lockdown would enable me to write like a fiend. In fact the reverse happened.
Deprived of spontaneous freedom, I began to crave it and so became much more of a gardener, a walker (legal acc. to the rules of Covid), helping husband more on the farm. Writing became something that was, not something that is.
Once the discipline lessened, I worried that creative spirit, art-form and brand would collapse and so I wrote a Pillowbook (observations of life) and a small anthology, just to keep my bookmark 'out there'.
Still I was struggling. So I finished a hist fict that I'd begun just before Lockdown, sent it into the marketplace and then shifted genres entirely.
That reignited the desire to be a writer again but at a less frenetic, more balanced pace. Covid taught me that there is so much of life out there that must be appreciated. Did you find the same?
And that's the way it is now - fiction writing, a newsletter, gardening, embroidery, walking, but first and foremost family and dog.
So I look forward to reading more of your artistic/literary progressions. I suspect there's a book in there, isn't there?
PS: Did you ever blow simple marbles? I LOVE marbles. I LOVE millefiore too...
During that first lockdown I didn't make it down to my rented workshop for months, and spent my time as productively as possible engaged instead in other pursuits: learning French (again), learning how to budget (for the first time in my life, aged 46), dabbling in mixed media art, getting fitter than I'd ever been thanks to an endless stream of YouTube exercise videos and daily FaceTime appointments to bounce around to them accompanied - separately, so two sessions - by two family members.
When it became clear that I couldn't be teaching my craft while the virus was still rife, well, that was it. And yes, just like yours, my own boundaries shifted, along with my priorities. I prefer things as they are now (which is a bonus)!
I love that you switched genres entirely - and actually that really resonates with me. Other things suddenly appeared on my own radar - and that was brilliant.
I didn't ever make marbles, although I'd've loved to. To shape a round bead using lampworking techniques (the name given to shaping glass in a torch flame) is relatively straightforward - molten glass is wrapped around a mandrel, which not only provides the handle for holding the bead in progress, but it's also what creates (or leaves behind!) the bead's hole when it is removed later. Heat, gravity and surface tension all combine to make a bead that's round (round as in doughnut, rather than round as in beach ball). Marbles, though - well, let's just say it's very hard indeed to make a handmade lampwork glass marble that is entirely spherical!
One of my long ago fantasy books was based around some secret charms hidden in the tubes of a millefiore paperweight. It's called A Thousand Glass Flowers. All of that was inspired by a paperweight my son bought me when he was in Murano. Serendipity...
The joys of flow... hope you have fun!
Thanks, Mark! 🔥
That was a very pleasant read Rebecca. Thank you! I always admired crafty people (not being apt at anything).
That’s so kind - thanks, Oleg!
I think we're all feeling that tug of "I left myself somewhere and I need to retrace my steps".
I think we've all got something that 'got away', haven't we?! Thanks, Erin. :D
This is so cool and, believe it or not, I could sit and watch people blow glass all day long. I find the fact that you taught courses amazing and, if nothing else, you have the experience of doing it. I share your view on 'the process'. For me, it's writing. I don't expect to ever make a dime on my work (besides Kindle Vella bonuses, for however long those last) but I enjoy the process of sitting down and putting ideas to paper/computer screen. As for reclaiming part of myself that I've left behind, I could see myself doing that with drawing.
Go back and grab what was once yours. You have absolutely nothing to lose :)
Thanks so much, Mark! That flame is certainly mesmerising - I could sit and watch all day, too, even if I weren't doing it myself!
It's funny, this whole idea of the actual process of doing something being worth it, regardless of the end result. And you're right, that goes for writing too. When I started writing, all of my thoughts on writing were 'I MUST WRITE A BOOK'. Then I realised I needed to write in order to LEARN to write. So I starting writing about what I wanted to write about. And now I'm just loving writing. The process of writing is in itself an accomplishment.
And drawing - yes yes yes - reignite Drawing Mark, Mark! I LOVE it!
Oh, Rebecca. This is great is so many ways! The writing, your writing, of course.
I also love the William Morris quote. It is one of my favorites and one that I live by, as a minimalist. The Arts and Crafts Movement is one of my favorite time periods in architecture, design, and craftsmanship, so throwing a William Morris quote out there will grab my attention. But I love how you challenge his words with the things that you create and how the process of creating means so much more than the usefulness or beauty of the creation.
I love art glass and I imagine the process of creating, especially in that flow state, is so wonderful. While I have no desire to work with the flame, I so appreciate what goes into that creative process and the result. On our recent trip to Seattle, Washington, we visited the Chihuly Garden and Glass and it was so amazing. There was a heat wave in Seattle and the facility's air conditioning was not keeping up, so they had to close early on the afternoon we were scheduled to go, but we luckily were able to reschedule.
"The walls at home didn’t challenge me." Wow, that really got me and I can so relate. I am going to hold onto this and ponder it for a while. I was a homebody before Covid shut everything down (I am an Introvert and HSP, so home is my safe space), but I have definitely become even more of a homebody and I have been finding it so hard to get back out to do the things I enjoy. I could use a little challenge from the outside world.
Your glasswork and beads are so beautiful! Getting back into it for the pure joy of creating and how the process makes you feel is so great and inspiring, and makes your work even more beautiful!
Thank you for such a gorgeous reply, Amy!
William Morris was an extraordinary chap - he had so many strings to many bows, and knew his way around all of them. Fascinating.
Chihuly's work is quite something, right? I've been to a couple of his exhibitions over here - 'Gardens of Glass' at Kew - huge tongues and balloons of coloured glass making up the most amazing composite pieces either growing out of the ground or being part of the most amazing chandelier-style installations.
Home's my safe space, too. I'm all about home, and it will always be the most important point on my compass. The 'challenge' I was thinking about was the aggressive challenges being thrown at me in the workshop set against the fact that home doesn't beat me up and make me feel as if I'm failing. Well, most of the time!
Thank you too for your kind words about my work. I love pattern and detail, and making tiny beads with intricate designs is what I really loved. No, LOVE, not loved. Because I'm digging out that torch again! :D
Oh, yes. I get that about the aggressive challenges you wrote about. That makes total sense. It's definitely good to have that safe space to just be!
Inspiring for its honesty and hope. For me as a writer, author, teacher (amateur painter and flutist), process is everything. You described the importance of process, working on the making, not the feedback from others that can be so discouraging—though closing the round, so to speak also calls me—and you did this with heart and soul. My need to help others overwhelms all else, even as I pursue these other projects. Thank you, Rebecca! xo
That's lovely, Mary, thank you. :D
Really interesting read, good luck with getting back into it!
Thanks so much! :D
I love every bit of your post! Thank you for sharing...such brave writing. It's interesting as I'm in this moment right now with my career. Do I leave it behind or do I return. Thank you for inspiring me to dig a little deeper on this...I think for me it's the outside validation-I'm worthy— that is calling me back however that's not sustainable especially for my health. (I'm an adult and I'm still looking for that! Sigh) Thank you again. I'm really happy you are getting back to what you love and missed. Cheers to curiosity!
Gosh, thanks, Julie! I'm so glad it's inspired you.
Sustainability is a bit of a thing for me too. I go into things all fired up (if you'll pardon the pun) and then I tend to fizzle rather than sizzle.
The thing with my hobby-then-business is that I'd invested so much time and effort into it - and money - that I found I was having to justify it all the time. I HAD to sell, to teach, all that, in order to prove something. As soon as Covid started to take some of my choices away I had the opportunity to look at it from a different angle: that my workshop doesn't owe me anything, I don't HAVE to keep it forever just because I've got it now.
But saying goodbye to the business, as it turns out, doesn't mean I need to say goodbye to the craft. I'm glad I've now realised that! :D
so so wise!! Love this. Thank you. I can resonate with so much of what you wrote.
Ah yes, this was just lovely! Thanks so much. I’ve been trying to pay attention to people’s “voices” in all the Substacks I read, and find myself gravitating to those that feel very unique and “authentic,” to use a terribly overused word. Your voice here is very strong and real.
Oh Tom, that's really kind. Thank you so much. :D
What a cool talent you have! The beads are beautiful. I think they definitely satisfy Morris’ recommendation. And I’m a big believer that not everything has to serve an obvious purpose or pay for its keep—demanding that it does is often the way to spoil its magic. I used to think I wanted to train horses professionally because I loved riding so much, but trying to make a business of it (I’m not a business person either!) sucked all the joy out of it for me. It took a while before I rediscovered what I loved about it, this time on my terms :-) Glad you’ve found your inspiration again!
Thank you so much!
It’s a shame that all those years ago I hadn’t considered the joy-sucking implications of trying to turn a passion into a business. Still, all part of life’s journey, eh?! It’s wonderful that you rediscovered your love too, on YOUR terms. What a difference that makes! :D
Better late than never :-)
I love this so much. (Also, honoured you chose to include my post.) But it speaks to something in me: the idea that we’re allowed to create without expectation of practicality or purpose, but to enjoy the process. To create art without giving a hoot about likes or shares, but to exist and explore. I hope you’re enjoying the re-emergence; certainly, what work you’ve shared is beautiful.
Thank you so much, Bryn - that’s so kind. Your post had really got me thinking, and it was a pleasure to include it here! :D
You do beautiful work! It takes a talent to be able to learn all of the intricacies of creating a specialty art like that. I like most art and these are so unique with them being so small. It's too bad you had to shutdown the teachings. I feel for you on the covid safe. I'm in that kind of situation still. I'm curious, did you do group or one-on-one workshops or both?
That's so kind, Matt - thank you!
I did both - I could have up to four students at a time, and ran one-off taster, half-day and full-day workshops, plus longer courses made up of a session a week for four or five sessions. Many of my students would come back periodically to rent a torch by the hour, when they would pitch up and work on their own projects using my set-up. All great fun, especially in winter (those flames are HOT!).
Very beautifully written, if I may say so, and very brave decisions looked at from one perspective. I think you might feel an affinity with this story by Kahlil Gibran: The Gravedigger https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/58709/the-grave-digger
Gosh, Terry, thank you for your kind words and for your link to that absolute gem of a story. Goosepimples isn't the word!
Dear Reader,
I thought I'd just write a comment here myself.
Writing this post gave me the (welcome) opportunity to expose to the light some of my feelings about giving up my workshop, but it had unexpectedly left me feeling rather sad.
That in itself is a point of learning: it has reiterated to me that words are powerful things which can have huge momentum. I should know this from my journalling practice!
I'll be posting again soon - I'm working on another piece about process, albeit very different. :D
Love Rebecca
This really made me think - thank you.
I’m really pleased that this resonated with you. Thank you!
Rebecca, I had no idea you had been a glass artist.
Your work looks stunning and I am glad the desire is becoming a slow burn again.
Covid was odd for creatives, I think. Dpn't you?
I thought that Lockdown would enable me to write like a fiend. In fact the reverse happened.
Deprived of spontaneous freedom, I began to crave it and so became much more of a gardener, a walker (legal acc. to the rules of Covid), helping husband more on the farm. Writing became something that was, not something that is.
Once the discipline lessened, I worried that creative spirit, art-form and brand would collapse and so I wrote a Pillowbook (observations of life) and a small anthology, just to keep my bookmark 'out there'.
Still I was struggling. So I finished a hist fict that I'd begun just before Lockdown, sent it into the marketplace and then shifted genres entirely.
That reignited the desire to be a writer again but at a less frenetic, more balanced pace. Covid taught me that there is so much of life out there that must be appreciated. Did you find the same?
And that's the way it is now - fiction writing, a newsletter, gardening, embroidery, walking, but first and foremost family and dog.
So I look forward to reading more of your artistic/literary progressions. I suspect there's a book in there, isn't there?
PS: Did you ever blow simple marbles? I LOVE marbles. I LOVE millefiore too...
Prue, thank you for your lovely words.
During that first lockdown I didn't make it down to my rented workshop for months, and spent my time as productively as possible engaged instead in other pursuits: learning French (again), learning how to budget (for the first time in my life, aged 46), dabbling in mixed media art, getting fitter than I'd ever been thanks to an endless stream of YouTube exercise videos and daily FaceTime appointments to bounce around to them accompanied - separately, so two sessions - by two family members.
When it became clear that I couldn't be teaching my craft while the virus was still rife, well, that was it. And yes, just like yours, my own boundaries shifted, along with my priorities. I prefer things as they are now (which is a bonus)!
I love that you switched genres entirely - and actually that really resonates with me. Other things suddenly appeared on my own radar - and that was brilliant.
I didn't ever make marbles, although I'd've loved to. To shape a round bead using lampworking techniques (the name given to shaping glass in a torch flame) is relatively straightforward - molten glass is wrapped around a mandrel, which not only provides the handle for holding the bead in progress, but it's also what creates (or leaves behind!) the bead's hole when it is removed later. Heat, gravity and surface tension all combine to make a bead that's round (round as in doughnut, rather than round as in beach ball). Marbles, though - well, let's just say it's very hard indeed to make a handmade lampwork glass marble that is entirely spherical!
Millefiori - oh yes! Glorious! https://www.glassofvenice.com/millefiori.php
One of my long ago fantasy books was based around some secret charms hidden in the tubes of a millefiore paperweight. It's called A Thousand Glass Flowers. All of that was inspired by a paperweight my son bought me when he was in Murano. Serendipity...
Oh wow, that's amazing - what a lovely inspiration story!