Oh what a treat to read this! I’ve always found those bricked up windows really suggestive and I love how you conjured up whole worlds of life in such a few short paragraphs of story. I’m very glad you decided to take the plunge and attend Terry’s course - and even gladder you shared the results with us 😍 PS 200 posts - that’s a milestone worth celebrating eh! X
Oh, that’s so kind - thank you! Hoping to write some more stories too!
200 posts - I can’t believe I’ve got that far! Actually, I’ve posted a few more than that in my time on Substack - there is a series of unnumbered ones which had been daily posts about my progress in the run-up (pardon the pun) to the race I ran a couple of years ago - but they were just very brief ‘accountability’ posts - I thought it would help my training if I told everyone about it! 😉
You and I must be exchanging thought waves as I just posted on writing prompts and writing classes myself! Your descriptors are excellent, Rebecca (something I've noticed in your other posts too). Love "swaddled trinkets" and "grim gridlines of grey."
Oh, thank you so much, Sue - great minds clearly think alike! I’m SOOOO behind on my reading but I’m heading your way right now to check out your post! xxx
I loved this! And I love writing flash-fiction from picture prompts!
A few years ago I too took some writing classes. Our teacher was born and raised in the UK. I loved his classes and still have all my critiqued writings.
Lately with all that’s going on in real life here in the US as I mentioned before, I’ve not felt much like writing.
However, you’ve once again inspired me! I may have to dig out those older pages.
Thank you, and love how you described that window.
Speaking as someone who has “sheers” (which are not very transparent ) always closed I can understand not wanting anyone to see into my house. Even my plants are used to not having direct sunlight.
Enjoyed your story. You could make it into a great mystery/ghost book. The house across the street with the window blocked up could have been used for nefarious purposes.
‘Sheers’ - I think those must be what we call ‘net curtains’ over here! You and I sound very similar, Julie. My houseplants are on a bright windowsill in the kitchen which is not only not overlooked, but also has ‘obscured’ glass, because that end of the kitchen used to be a bathroom! 🤣 Nice and bright, but not a chance of anyone seeing in - the perfect compromise!
Ooooooh, a mystery! I’m making notes on all of the really interesting feedback on this story - watch this space…..!!!! Thank you so, so much! xxx
I have read many stories about women wishing to be seen or recognized. I don't think I have ever read one about a woman wanting to fade into obscurity. Your back story makes it completely plausible. You have created such evocative images here, Rebecca, that really allow the reader to feel the woman's feelings and see what she sees. The "bricked-up eye", the "catastrophic cordiality", the "shoals of evening strollers", the "lintel eyebrow and sightless window", the "insistent attention" and "relentless rounds" of entertaining guests. They lived as the "brightest stars in a perpetual diorama"! All her life she felt exposed (naked?) , poor thing. You have excelled here, my friend. Did you enjoy writing fiction? Will you give us more?
I agree with Sharron and found myself lingering over many of the same phrases. I particularly loved "catastrophic cordiality." I'm curious how long it took you to come up with the idea, how long you worked with the words, whether you've thought about continuing from where you left off.
It's interesting: Two sets of neighbors across the street, both renters who moved in and out in a relative hurry, had the habit of keeping the blinds at the front of the house closed all the time. Ours is not a busy street for strollers or shoppers, though we do have a bit of foot traffic owing to the nearby nature trail. But my husband often remarked how odd he found it, people preferring to be "closed off" like that. Our Venetian blinds are open during the day and closed promptly at dusk.
Ha!! Well it’s too late for that as they’ve already moved out. One couple split and had to divide up their lives. The other was only there while they renovated a house they own nearby. If the next set do the same, I’ll try the cookie approach! 😂
Oh, thank you very much, Elizabeth! I really enjoy alliteration, and was pleased with 'catastrophic cordiality' - the sounds match but the semantics really don't, so that's a really fun combination! 🤣
I started writing the story in the 20-minute period of class given over to working on our own pieces, and all I'd managed in that time was to simply describe the picture, which although wasn't the point of the exercise seemed to be the only 'idea' I'd had about it. Then, in the 10-minute period spent workshopping as a pair with another course participant I heard how the picture had sparked an idea for her own story, very different to mine...... and, well, after class I spent all evening writing about wanting to hide! I hadn't want to abandon my classwork in its entirety, though, which is why I've described the bricked-up window so closely in the story.
That's so interesting about your neighbours - two sets, too! Where I grew up there was no passing foot traffic (house was set far back from the road, a long way from the front gate), so we never had net curtains at the windows. Many houses over here at that point - and still, in fact - have net curtains as kind of 'closed all the time inner curtains' so people can't really see in.
We have Venetian blinds in our house, and like you I close them as soon as I need to turn lights on inside.
OHHHHHHHHHHH! Sharron, this feedback is absolutely lovely - thank you so much - especially as it comes from the fabulous writer of the kind of fiction I really love to read!
I really loved writing this story! I've written some other bits and bobs along the way, but only since I've been doing Terry's writing course, and this one's my favourite. Actually there's a piece of flash fiction I'd like to share sometime but I haven't got a whole post to hang it off quite yet!
So yes, there will be more fiction coming from me!
Actually, Rebecca, your "whole post" could be just the fiction. We often post 50-word stories on their own just for high impact. No back story, no explanation, just a show of self-confidence. ("My little story speaks for itself!" ) All you really need is an intriguing, evocative photo at the top. And if you are adventurous, a song or melody that fits on to the bottom. (From Youtube and easy to attach). FYI See this example:
Oh wow, thank you so much for this advice, Sharron! Next time I shall have the confidence for letting the fiction stand alone - that’s a brilliant tip! 😁
That was an imaginative and provocative tale. I never thought of this much, but my mother would comment, as we configured the furniture in the living room, "I don't want the couch in front of the window because then everybody can see our heads watching the TV." The pricilla curtains she hung over the windows were almost opaque. And she dreaded sitting in the yard of our corner lot because the nosy neighbors would see her and come out to talk. Horrors! Come to think of it, I also dread sitting in the yard where my nosy neighbor will come out and chatter mindlessly about nothing. My goodness, what a curmudgeon. But I'm glad your character finally found her home in the building across the street. And isn't it weird that taxes were levied based on windows. That was true in Louisiana, USA which i why you'll find these floor to ceiling windows in the old houses. They counted as doors because you could walk through them. We humans! Weird.
Oh Sue, that’s so interesting that your mother had been exactly on the same wavelength as me about this! And those door-sized windows in Louisiana - that’s fascinating!
I like to think that my character finally felt comfortable - and happy, and free, and safe! - in her new home across the street. I might noodle around with the next part of the story one of these days - you’ve really got me thinking! x
Oh good! Play with that story and grow it into a novel. A series on your page. Sharron Bassano of Leaves does that with her Katy stories, wonderful memories about her feisty Mother. I can't wait to hear more about the windowless house across the street. It probably has lots of its own mysteries and stories that your protagonist will discover after moving in. Ooooooo, shivers of anticipation.
I love it Rebecca, very nicely done and compactly told (which I always appreciate). As for me, my windows are clear of obstructions: I want as much light as possible and I don’t care who sees me, as I ask myself why would anyone give a damn about looking in on a 60-year-old man?
And LOL - I love your perspective on the people-looking-through-the-window thing! I remember being told repeatedly as a child - not in this context, though - ‘Nobody’s looking at you, darling’ - in a very kind effort to reassure me that most people just mind their own business and don’t give two hoots what anyone else is up to!
I think perhaps I’ve always struggled with confidence. I’m VERY GOOD at playing hide-and-seek, though - I’d win championships in that game, now! 🤣
I love this story it said and implied so much in very few words. It stands on its own but I want more as well. I worked in an office known as the Goldfish bowl it was an old cash office in a hospital and was the only place they had to dump 3 left wing welfare rights officers in the early 80s. They could keep an eye on us 😂😂😂
Thank you so much, Jo! I really enjoyed writing it - thank you for such lovely words. LOL re ‘keeping an eye on you’! Were you ever tempted to paper the windows?! I’d’ve done that like a shot if I were overlooked the entire time! 🤣
Awww, thank you so much, dear Mary! ❤️ Although this is fiction, ‘she’ is rather like me in that I like to hide and I try to avoid the window in our house which faces the lane (although it’s a tiny house which requires me to walk through that room to get to the kitchen!)!
Lovely story Rebecca! So delighted you took a stab at this. Great imagery, as others have mentioned, and a wonderful prompt. I hope it has tickled another part of your creative brain and we get to read more! xx
Awww, thank you, Sabrina! I’m having such fun on the writing course - I’m ever so glad I took the plunge. Next week we’re looking at poetry - I’m terrified, but looking forward to having a go! xxx
Awww, thanks, Sue! It’s a bit of a sidestep for me, but I’m really enjoying experimenting with fiction. I’m getting such a lot out of the writing course I’m doing! x
Great prompt, terrific story. Well done.
Aww Beth, thank you! I had such fun with this! x
Oh what a treat to read this! I’ve always found those bricked up windows really suggestive and I love how you conjured up whole worlds of life in such a few short paragraphs of story. I’m very glad you decided to take the plunge and attend Terry’s course - and even gladder you shared the results with us 😍 PS 200 posts - that’s a milestone worth celebrating eh! X
Oh, that’s so kind - thank you! Hoping to write some more stories too!
200 posts - I can’t believe I’ve got that far! Actually, I’ve posted a few more than that in my time on Substack - there is a series of unnumbered ones which had been daily posts about my progress in the run-up (pardon the pun) to the race I ran a couple of years ago - but they were just very brief ‘accountability’ posts - I thought it would help my training if I told everyone about it! 😉
I like it. There's a sharpness to the story which belies the words.
More please...
Awwww Prue! Hoping to share more fiction soon - you’re ever so kind! x
You and I must be exchanging thought waves as I just posted on writing prompts and writing classes myself! Your descriptors are excellent, Rebecca (something I've noticed in your other posts too). Love "swaddled trinkets" and "grim gridlines of grey."
More of this, please!
Oh, thank you so much, Sue - great minds clearly think alike! I’m SOOOO behind on my reading but I’m heading your way right now to check out your post! xxx
Gorgeous writing
Oh, so kind! Thank you so much.
I loved this! And I love writing flash-fiction from picture prompts!
A few years ago I too took some writing classes. Our teacher was born and raised in the UK. I loved his classes and still have all my critiqued writings.
Lately with all that’s going on in real life here in the US as I mentioned before, I’ve not felt much like writing.
However, you’ve once again inspired me! I may have to dig out those older pages.
Thank you, and love how you described that window.
I also learned some tax history.
Speaking as someone who has “sheers” (which are not very transparent ) always closed I can understand not wanting anyone to see into my house. Even my plants are used to not having direct sunlight.
Enjoyed your story. You could make it into a great mystery/ghost book. The house across the street with the window blocked up could have been used for nefarious purposes.
‘Sheers’ - I think those must be what we call ‘net curtains’ over here! You and I sound very similar, Julie. My houseplants are on a bright windowsill in the kitchen which is not only not overlooked, but also has ‘obscured’ glass, because that end of the kitchen used to be a bathroom! 🤣 Nice and bright, but not a chance of anyone seeing in - the perfect compromise!
Ooooooh, a mystery! I’m making notes on all of the really interesting feedback on this story - watch this space…..!!!! Thank you so, so much! xxx
Oh, DOOOOOOO dig out those pages, Gail! xxx
I have read many stories about women wishing to be seen or recognized. I don't think I have ever read one about a woman wanting to fade into obscurity. Your back story makes it completely plausible. You have created such evocative images here, Rebecca, that really allow the reader to feel the woman's feelings and see what she sees. The "bricked-up eye", the "catastrophic cordiality", the "shoals of evening strollers", the "lintel eyebrow and sightless window", the "insistent attention" and "relentless rounds" of entertaining guests. They lived as the "brightest stars in a perpetual diorama"! All her life she felt exposed (naked?) , poor thing. You have excelled here, my friend. Did you enjoy writing fiction? Will you give us more?
I agree with Sharron and found myself lingering over many of the same phrases. I particularly loved "catastrophic cordiality." I'm curious how long it took you to come up with the idea, how long you worked with the words, whether you've thought about continuing from where you left off.
It's interesting: Two sets of neighbors across the street, both renters who moved in and out in a relative hurry, had the habit of keeping the blinds at the front of the house closed all the time. Ours is not a busy street for strollers or shoppers, though we do have a bit of foot traffic owing to the nearby nature trail. But my husband often remarked how odd he found it, people preferring to be "closed off" like that. Our Venetian blinds are open during the day and closed promptly at dusk.
Nice work, Rebecca!
Your neighbors sound a little suspicious. But maybe they are just shy. Take them some homemade cookies. Live dangerously. ha ha ha
Ha!! Well it’s too late for that as they’ve already moved out. One couple split and had to divide up their lives. The other was only there while they renovated a house they own nearby. If the next set do the same, I’ll try the cookie approach! 😂
Oh, thank you very much, Elizabeth! I really enjoy alliteration, and was pleased with 'catastrophic cordiality' - the sounds match but the semantics really don't, so that's a really fun combination! 🤣
I started writing the story in the 20-minute period of class given over to working on our own pieces, and all I'd managed in that time was to simply describe the picture, which although wasn't the point of the exercise seemed to be the only 'idea' I'd had about it. Then, in the 10-minute period spent workshopping as a pair with another course participant I heard how the picture had sparked an idea for her own story, very different to mine...... and, well, after class I spent all evening writing about wanting to hide! I hadn't want to abandon my classwork in its entirety, though, which is why I've described the bricked-up window so closely in the story.
That's so interesting about your neighbours - two sets, too! Where I grew up there was no passing foot traffic (house was set far back from the road, a long way from the front gate), so we never had net curtains at the windows. Many houses over here at that point - and still, in fact - have net curtains as kind of 'closed all the time inner curtains' so people can't really see in.
We have Venetian blinds in our house, and like you I close them as soon as I need to turn lights on inside.
OHHHHHHHHHHH! Sharron, this feedback is absolutely lovely - thank you so much - especially as it comes from the fabulous writer of the kind of fiction I really love to read!
I really loved writing this story! I've written some other bits and bobs along the way, but only since I've been doing Terry's writing course, and this one's my favourite. Actually there's a piece of flash fiction I'd like to share sometime but I haven't got a whole post to hang it off quite yet!
So yes, there will be more fiction coming from me!
And thank you so very much. xxx
Actually, Rebecca, your "whole post" could be just the fiction. We often post 50-word stories on their own just for high impact. No back story, no explanation, just a show of self-confidence. ("My little story speaks for itself!" ) All you really need is an intriguing, evocative photo at the top. And if you are adventurous, a song or melody that fits on to the bottom. (From Youtube and easy to attach). FYI See this example:
https://sharronbassano.substack.com/p/mustang - Let's see it, girl!
Oh wow, thank you so much for this advice, Sharron! Next time I shall have the confidence for letting the fiction stand alone - that’s a brilliant tip! 😁
That was an imaginative and provocative tale. I never thought of this much, but my mother would comment, as we configured the furniture in the living room, "I don't want the couch in front of the window because then everybody can see our heads watching the TV." The pricilla curtains she hung over the windows were almost opaque. And she dreaded sitting in the yard of our corner lot because the nosy neighbors would see her and come out to talk. Horrors! Come to think of it, I also dread sitting in the yard where my nosy neighbor will come out and chatter mindlessly about nothing. My goodness, what a curmudgeon. But I'm glad your character finally found her home in the building across the street. And isn't it weird that taxes were levied based on windows. That was true in Louisiana, USA which i why you'll find these floor to ceiling windows in the old houses. They counted as doors because you could walk through them. We humans! Weird.
Oh Sue, that’s so interesting that your mother had been exactly on the same wavelength as me about this! And those door-sized windows in Louisiana - that’s fascinating!
I like to think that my character finally felt comfortable - and happy, and free, and safe! - in her new home across the street. I might noodle around with the next part of the story one of these days - you’ve really got me thinking! x
Oh good! Play with that story and grow it into a novel. A series on your page. Sharron Bassano of Leaves does that with her Katy stories, wonderful memories about her feisty Mother. I can't wait to hear more about the windowless house across the street. It probably has lots of its own mysteries and stories that your protagonist will discover after moving in. Ooooooo, shivers of anticipation.
Ooooooh! Well, one day! Thank you, Sue! x
I love it Rebecca, very nicely done and compactly told (which I always appreciate). As for me, my windows are clear of obstructions: I want as much light as possible and I don’t care who sees me, as I ask myself why would anyone give a damn about looking in on a 60-year-old man?
Oh Tom, that’s really very kind of you!
And LOL - I love your perspective on the people-looking-through-the-window thing! I remember being told repeatedly as a child - not in this context, though - ‘Nobody’s looking at you, darling’ - in a very kind effort to reassure me that most people just mind their own business and don’t give two hoots what anyone else is up to!
I think perhaps I’ve always struggled with confidence. I’m VERY GOOD at playing hide-and-seek, though - I’d win championships in that game, now! 🤣
I love this story it said and implied so much in very few words. It stands on its own but I want more as well. I worked in an office known as the Goldfish bowl it was an old cash office in a hospital and was the only place they had to dump 3 left wing welfare rights officers in the early 80s. They could keep an eye on us 😂😂😂
Thank you so much, Jo! I really enjoyed writing it - thank you for such lovely words. LOL re ‘keeping an eye on you’! Were you ever tempted to paper the windows?! I’d’ve done that like a shot if I were overlooked the entire time! 🤣
Bravo, Rebecca, bravo. ❤️
Awww, thank you so much, dear Mary! ❤️ Although this is fiction, ‘she’ is rather like me in that I like to hide and I try to avoid the window in our house which faces the lane (although it’s a tiny house which requires me to walk through that room to get to the kitchen!)!
Aha! I wondered if your "she" was autobiographical. I wanted to protect her as I read the story. 🤗
Awww, you’re such a kind soul! Thank you! x
❤️
Lovely story Rebecca! So delighted you took a stab at this. Great imagery, as others have mentioned, and a wonderful prompt. I hope it has tickled another part of your creative brain and we get to read more! xx
Awww, thank you, Sabrina! I’m having such fun on the writing course - I’m ever so glad I took the plunge. Next week we’re looking at poetry - I’m terrified, but looking forward to having a go! xxx
You go girl! Approach poetry like you do your painting: with verve and devil may care attitude! ❤️
HA!!!!! Thank you for being such a lovely cheerleader, Sabrina - I really appreciate you! 😘
Thanks for sharing this! Love the story in conjunction with the photo. 💕
Awww, thanks, Sue! It’s a bit of a sidestep for me, but I’m really enjoying experimenting with fiction. I’m getting such a lot out of the writing course I’m doing! x