When I taught economics I always told my students that the more precise a government-cited number is, the more certain it is to be false, which I proved with reference to the unemployment stats.
Here's an example. According the the govt stats, in February 2024 33,174 people of 16+ were unemployed. That figure is ridiculously precise. Five minutes after the figures were calculated, one person might have got a job, and three other people given the sack! A much better ie mor believable figure would be "around 33,000 people..."
Excellent, Rebecca. These same incessant bogus claims were part of what convinced me to throw away my TV several years back. I just couldn't bear to hear another ludicrous insult to my intelligence. What a blessing it is, to not own one. Now I am focusing on ending my relationship with Youtube, which is even worse for false advertising. There is so much on there worth watching, but it is constantly interrupted with stupid, revolting, unbelievable advertising. I am quitting.
Thank you, Sharron! I have the same YouTube bugbear - and it’s not just the adverts, either! There are so many content creators out there making irresponsible videos that there is another whole cohort of people making ‘debunking’ content to counteract them! 🙄
I am sick to death of the whole thing, Rebecca. It makes me despair. I am going to just forego watching men getting their hair styled, men majorly in love with their cats, girls applying makeup or trying on bras, Omeletto short films, and DryBar comedians. I am officially OUT. Cold-turkey, as it is called in the US. ( I will let you know how I do...)
Gosh, Sharron, however would we cope without access to such online viewing treasures?! 😂
But the men getting their hair styled thing - I’m laughing my head off here because during lockdown I learned (actually, ‘learned’ is a strong word, implying some kind of resulting ability - which would be an utter overstatement) how to cut Jim’s hair from a YouTube video! Took me a while to find one which I could take seriously, though. I only dropped the scissors once, so not bad for a first go - and the cut wasn’t deep.
I've always got my cursor poised over that countdown button so I can click it off as soon as it says 'skip.' It's those interminable full ads, even if they're fifteen seconds, that we are forced to endure that I just can't ... endure.
Thanks for the out loud chuckles, as my cartoon brain also was blown away at the thought of over 84 and a half thousand people achieving lift off by that picture of the oversized wind turbine! And I’m wondering are they still airborne?
And that Yogi with his left leg doing a super-duper hip opener while balancing on the other foot—which is the one actually getting the better stretch?
And that endomorphic “clover” would be thoroughly enjoyed by a wave of woodchucks should they happen to fall upon a whole field of them! I’m wondering where I might purchase a bag of these seeds? I find that if I want to keep my veggie garden intact, I plant clover across the field away from my gardens. A win-win situation!
This is great Rebecca! I get so many spam emails, and now they are coming fast and furious as texts in my iPhone—but mostly as political ones, Maybe a parody on these may be in order… 🤔
LOL - I’m so glad you enjoyed the read, Gail - thank you so much!
I remember that Mum bought some hybrid four-leafed clover seeds when I was a child - we were sooooo impressed to start with, until I noticed that most of them had FIVE leaves. And the leaves weren’t green, either, so couldn’t be passed off as authentic - they were a sort of variegated dark green and a kind of maroon colour. They self-seeded EVERYWHERE and were an absolute pain!
Mind you, that was about forty years ago now - I wonder if anyone has bred some more convincing hybrid specimens in the intervening period? I might have to have a look!
Reading your stuff, amidst a sea of political handwringing, turns down my anxiety level just over 223% while adding 1.57 seconds to the duration of my smile, as it has done for exactly 6,457 others. None of these, by the way, are records.
To be fair to the good people at Dyson, the Airblade really improved washroom dryer technology in the past several years. They used to be bloody useless!
Rebecca, I would hire you to write the marketing for my scam company, if I had one!
I agree - the Airblade is a fabulous machine! 🙌 I have to say though that I will never understand why they are comparing its hand-drying credentials to those of something never intended to dry hands!
LOL re writing your scam marketing copy - well, I’d be delighted. Although my rates are already very competitive, if you sign my 44-page contract before midnight you will qualify for a 496% discount (valid every Thursday afternoon until the end of August).
I'm guessing the salesperson's four year old came up with those numbers. Two cagillion people agree...
I've been thinking about writing a piece about my junk mail. I didn't know Sharper Image was still around. (Big in the US in the 90s, then disappeared... or so I thought.)
This is so fun to read Rebecca, and well-needed right now! After a week of election kerfuffle and all the sports activities, it was such a relief to read about advertising gobbledegook. I haven't noticed the specific numbers you reference as being so common, so I will have to pay more attention. Your examples are all brilliantly ridiculous.
Like your 'foot stretch' example, my daughter and I always query the phrases we see in quotations for no reasons: why IS it in quotations? Is it not really that thing? Do the writers think that adding the quotation marks makes it special? We just usually roll our eyes and giggle.
LOL - thanks, Sabrina! I have to say that I find mainstream advertising to much less irresponsible than what I’ve described here, which was based entirely on the content of the very worst spam e-mails I’ve received in my Junk folder recently. It’s a fine line, though!
Inappropriate inverted commas are so irritating, aren’t they? Yet another pet hate of mine (in a similar vein to apostrophes being bandied around with gay abandon - or, just as bad, omitted from where they DO belong…..)! 😂
Lies. All lies. I'm so cynical now that I only purchase something I like, if I need it and without reading reviews of any sort. Marketing is built on the principle of fudging...
Did you know, by the way, that breathing sea air reduces your anxiety levels by 17%?
Gosh, yes, reviews are another kettle of fish entirely! I remember reading one for a product which was very easy to use when the instructions were followed - and the reviewer had clearly not read the instructions. It was for a set of moulds for hardboiled eggs - you’re supposed to put a peeled still-warm hardboiled egg into the mould and leave it there until it’s cold. Voila - an egg shaped like a heart, a star, a bunny, etc. Cue reviewer who had broken a raw egg directly into each mould and tried to boil them IN the moulds.
I am happy to say that I don’t find the language and numbers in mainstream advertising half as irresponsible as those in the particularly idiotic spam e-mails which I’ve explored in this post - but it’s only a matter of time!
Loved this, Rebecca. TV, print, and radio ads are lush with lies and the common sensical one is keen to see through the hype. My (not)favorite here in the States is when an ad says its produce is "better", but never says "better than x", just better. Sure, sure it is . . . . P.S. did the 4 leaf clover help you in your studies?
Thanks, Mary! Mainstream advertising over here is at least governed by guidelines, but no such rules apply to the rubbish that lands in my e-mail spam folder which I’ve explored here! 😂
You’re absolutely right - ‘better’ needs to be backed up by data - otherwise it’s nonsense! ‘Better than a poke in the eye’ is rather different to ‘better than 98% of every other single product on the market, as backed up by this verified research’!
I guess I did okay in my GCSEs, yes - although as I found the clover not long at all before the exams started I suspect that some of my hard work was represented in my results, too! 🤣
I’m absolutely certain that the clover gave me the confidence I needed to FEEL that I could do it, though - so yes, it certainly did help! 🍀
Ah, yes! You wrote of spammy stuff, not other advertisements. Dawg! Sorry for missing that important point! Spam emails have their own universe, I think, their own set of buzz words/click bait. I imagine the spam-writing folks have a list of phrases and words they use each time, with a checklist to make sure of it. 😂
I think I habitually 'tune out' of online ads, but now I'm really wondering what sort of thing that I AM getting served up on websites and on YouTube! I love the thought of spammers poring over lists of ridiculous figures and daft things they might claim in order to impress people - and gosh, I wonder if a required tool for the 'job' is a random number-generator?! 😂
😂 Yes! In a class at the 1987 New York University's Summer Publishing Institute, a romance novel publisher presented to the class. I asked, "do you all sit around a conference table and co-write the stuff on the back covers to include specific words?" She said, "Yes! Exactly that!" 🤣 They had a required adjective lists for each back cover. The class was so much fun.
The algorithm must know you want empirical data. My ads are for things like shapewear, cat water fountains, and 4-ingredient tuna salad. LOL! This was a fun read, Rebecca. Thanks for the lift!
LOL! Actually I don’t think algorithms are involved in the kind of spamvertising that lands in my junk folder that I've been looking at here, but I'm certainly going to be more aware from now on of the sorts of stuff that's being dished up to me on websites and the YouTube platform! I guess I tune them out!
When I was working at Men's Health magazine we were all about the numbers. At one point we had an intern go through and count the number of tips we gave per page, average them out, and then multiply by the number of editorial (not ad) pages in the mag. Hence the oft-used coverline 1,274 TIP TO IMPROVE YOU HEALTH, WEALTH, AND SEX LIFE. On such things were 500,000 monthly newsstand sales based. Until the magazine industry died, that is. I wonder why? The spammers killed it!
Make no mistake: It was a monthly lie, but we told it with conviction and "evidence." And it worked for a while--long enough for me to put my kids through college. Whew!
This was so funny! I have to admit I generally either unsubscribe to things I never subscribed to, or just block the poster. So I am missing the laughter! Although, many of the emailers seem to think I am a man with a small Willy which would make me susceptible to enlarger purchases.
I have used the Dyson drier in an IKEA, and although there was no scraping involved it blew the water off so fast I was shocked. Thank you so much for this post!
Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear!!! Creative souls aren’t they? Creative, not honest. Ah well. Thanks for a fun read. Enjoy your weekend. 🤗🤗
LOL - thanks, Beth! You, too! 😘
When I taught economics I always told my students that the more precise a government-cited number is, the more certain it is to be false, which I proved with reference to the unemployment stats.
Yes, I’m sure you’re right. Fibs always seem to contain implausible and highly-specific data!
Here's an example. According the the govt stats, in February 2024 33,174 people of 16+ were unemployed. That figure is ridiculously precise. Five minutes after the figures were calculated, one person might have got a job, and three other people given the sack! A much better ie mor believable figure would be "around 33,000 people..."
I agree! Much, much better to give an estimated round number rather than something bonkers like that!
Eggzactly. Once I'd got my students to understand that point, my pass rate went up by 217.3%
🤣
Excellent, Rebecca. These same incessant bogus claims were part of what convinced me to throw away my TV several years back. I just couldn't bear to hear another ludicrous insult to my intelligence. What a blessing it is, to not own one. Now I am focusing on ending my relationship with Youtube, which is even worse for false advertising. There is so much on there worth watching, but it is constantly interrupted with stupid, revolting, unbelievable advertising. I am quitting.
Thank you, Sharron! I have the same YouTube bugbear - and it’s not just the adverts, either! There are so many content creators out there making irresponsible videos that there is another whole cohort of people making ‘debunking’ content to counteract them! 🙄
I am sick to death of the whole thing, Rebecca. It makes me despair. I am going to just forego watching men getting their hair styled, men majorly in love with their cats, girls applying makeup or trying on bras, Omeletto short films, and DryBar comedians. I am officially OUT. Cold-turkey, as it is called in the US. ( I will let you know how I do...)
Gosh, Sharron, however would we cope without access to such online viewing treasures?! 😂
But the men getting their hair styled thing - I’m laughing my head off here because during lockdown I learned (actually, ‘learned’ is a strong word, implying some kind of resulting ability - which would be an utter overstatement) how to cut Jim’s hair from a YouTube video! Took me a while to find one which I could take seriously, though. I only dropped the scissors once, so not bad for a first go - and the cut wasn’t deep.
winks
Ha ha ha. Dear Jim. He must love you a LOT.
I’m amazed he ever let me do it, Sharron! 🤣 Brave soul!
I've always got my cursor poised over that countdown button so I can click it off as soon as it says 'skip.' It's those interminable full ads, even if they're fifteen seconds, that we are forced to endure that I just can't ... endure.
Yes, I do the same. AND I have to turn off my ad blocker or I can't get in at all. But at least I can turn off the sound.
Thanks for the out loud chuckles, as my cartoon brain also was blown away at the thought of over 84 and a half thousand people achieving lift off by that picture of the oversized wind turbine! And I’m wondering are they still airborne?
And that Yogi with his left leg doing a super-duper hip opener while balancing on the other foot—which is the one actually getting the better stretch?
And that endomorphic “clover” would be thoroughly enjoyed by a wave of woodchucks should they happen to fall upon a whole field of them! I’m wondering where I might purchase a bag of these seeds? I find that if I want to keep my veggie garden intact, I plant clover across the field away from my gardens. A win-win situation!
This is great Rebecca! I get so many spam emails, and now they are coming fast and furious as texts in my iPhone—but mostly as political ones, Maybe a parody on these may be in order… 🤔
LOL - I’m so glad you enjoyed the read, Gail - thank you so much!
I remember that Mum bought some hybrid four-leafed clover seeds when I was a child - we were sooooo impressed to start with, until I noticed that most of them had FIVE leaves. And the leaves weren’t green, either, so couldn’t be passed off as authentic - they were a sort of variegated dark green and a kind of maroon colour. They self-seeded EVERYWHERE and were an absolute pain!
Mind you, that was about forty years ago now - I wonder if anyone has bred some more convincing hybrid specimens in the intervening period? I might have to have a look!
Reading your stuff, amidst a sea of political handwringing, turns down my anxiety level just over 223% while adding 1.57 seconds to the duration of my smile, as it has done for exactly 6,457 others. None of these, by the way, are records.
Oh Tom, this is BRILLIANT! 😂 Thank you so much!
😁😁😁
To be fair to the good people at Dyson, the Airblade really improved washroom dryer technology in the past several years. They used to be bloody useless!
Rebecca, I would hire you to write the marketing for my scam company, if I had one!
I agree - the Airblade is a fabulous machine! 🙌 I have to say though that I will never understand why they are comparing its hand-drying credentials to those of something never intended to dry hands!
LOL re writing your scam marketing copy - well, I’d be delighted. Although my rates are already very competitive, if you sign my 44-page contract before midnight you will qualify for a 496% discount (valid every Thursday afternoon until the end of August).
I'm guessing the salesperson's four year old came up with those numbers. Two cagillion people agree...
I've been thinking about writing a piece about my junk mail. I didn't know Sharper Image was still around. (Big in the US in the 90s, then disappeared... or so I thought.)
‘Two cagillion’ - I’m sure you’re right, Carissa!!! 🤣
This is so fun to read Rebecca, and well-needed right now! After a week of election kerfuffle and all the sports activities, it was such a relief to read about advertising gobbledegook. I haven't noticed the specific numbers you reference as being so common, so I will have to pay more attention. Your examples are all brilliantly ridiculous.
Like your 'foot stretch' example, my daughter and I always query the phrases we see in quotations for no reasons: why IS it in quotations? Is it not really that thing? Do the writers think that adding the quotation marks makes it special? We just usually roll our eyes and giggle.
Thanks for crafting such a fun read!
LOL - thanks, Sabrina! I have to say that I find mainstream advertising to much less irresponsible than what I’ve described here, which was based entirely on the content of the very worst spam e-mails I’ve received in my Junk folder recently. It’s a fine line, though!
Inappropriate inverted commas are so irritating, aren’t they? Yet another pet hate of mine (in a similar vein to apostrophes being bandied around with gay abandon - or, just as bad, omitted from where they DO belong…..)! 😂
Lies. All lies. I'm so cynical now that I only purchase something I like, if I need it and without reading reviews of any sort. Marketing is built on the principle of fudging...
Did you know, by the way, that breathing sea air reduces your anxiety levels by 17%?
Gosh, yes, reviews are another kettle of fish entirely! I remember reading one for a product which was very easy to use when the instructions were followed - and the reviewer had clearly not read the instructions. It was for a set of moulds for hardboiled eggs - you’re supposed to put a peeled still-warm hardboiled egg into the mould and leave it there until it’s cold. Voila - an egg shaped like a heart, a star, a bunny, etc. Cue reviewer who had broken a raw egg directly into each mould and tried to boil them IN the moulds.
I am happy to say that I don’t find the language and numbers in mainstream advertising half as irresponsible as those in the particularly idiotic spam e-mails which I’ve explored in this post - but it’s only a matter of time!
Loved this, Rebecca. TV, print, and radio ads are lush with lies and the common sensical one is keen to see through the hype. My (not)favorite here in the States is when an ad says its produce is "better", but never says "better than x", just better. Sure, sure it is . . . . P.S. did the 4 leaf clover help you in your studies?
Thanks, Mary! Mainstream advertising over here is at least governed by guidelines, but no such rules apply to the rubbish that lands in my e-mail spam folder which I’ve explored here! 😂
You’re absolutely right - ‘better’ needs to be backed up by data - otherwise it’s nonsense! ‘Better than a poke in the eye’ is rather different to ‘better than 98% of every other single product on the market, as backed up by this verified research’!
I guess I did okay in my GCSEs, yes - although as I found the clover not long at all before the exams started I suspect that some of my hard work was represented in my results, too! 🤣
I’m absolutely certain that the clover gave me the confidence I needed to FEEL that I could do it, though - so yes, it certainly did help! 🍀
Ah, yes! You wrote of spammy stuff, not other advertisements. Dawg! Sorry for missing that important point! Spam emails have their own universe, I think, their own set of buzz words/click bait. I imagine the spam-writing folks have a list of phrases and words they use each time, with a checklist to make sure of it. 😂
I think I habitually 'tune out' of online ads, but now I'm really wondering what sort of thing that I AM getting served up on websites and on YouTube! I love the thought of spammers poring over lists of ridiculous figures and daft things they might claim in order to impress people - and gosh, I wonder if a required tool for the 'job' is a random number-generator?! 😂
😂 Yes! In a class at the 1987 New York University's Summer Publishing Institute, a romance novel publisher presented to the class. I asked, "do you all sit around a conference table and co-write the stuff on the back covers to include specific words?" She said, "Yes! Exactly that!" 🤣 They had a required adjective lists for each back cover. The class was so much fun.
Oh, that’s brilliant! 🤣
I especially liked your photo of the yogi in perfect balance, mainly because both legs sprout from the left-side of his pelvis. Gotta love AI.
Oh gosh, that’s extraordinary! I’d found it on the Unsplash stock library, and looking at it again, he does look rather uncomfy! 🤣
The algorithm must know you want empirical data. My ads are for things like shapewear, cat water fountains, and 4-ingredient tuna salad. LOL! This was a fun read, Rebecca. Thanks for the lift!
LOL! Actually I don’t think algorithms are involved in the kind of spamvertising that lands in my junk folder that I've been looking at here, but I'm certainly going to be more aware from now on of the sorts of stuff that's being dished up to me on websites and the YouTube platform! I guess I tune them out!
I tune them out, too. But they all seem to somehow tune me in.
It's frightening how they think they know which of our buttons to press, isn't it?! 👀
😱
Dying laughing here, across the pond, particularly at your windshield wiper comments. Thanks for starting my week off with good fun. 🤣🤣
🤣 So glad you enjoyed it, Amie! Thank you so much - I had some real fun with this post! 😁
When I was working at Men's Health magazine we were all about the numbers. At one point we had an intern go through and count the number of tips we gave per page, average them out, and then multiply by the number of editorial (not ad) pages in the mag. Hence the oft-used coverline 1,274 TIP TO IMPROVE YOU HEALTH, WEALTH, AND SEX LIFE. On such things were 500,000 monthly newsstand sales based. Until the magazine industry died, that is. I wonder why? The spammers killed it!
Golly, it's fascinating and hilarious, Peter, that there's actually method in such madness! 😜🤣
Make no mistake: It was a monthly lie, but we told it with conviction and "evidence." And it worked for a while--long enough for me to put my kids through college. Whew!
I’d say that’s worth it!
This was so funny! I have to admit I generally either unsubscribe to things I never subscribed to, or just block the poster. So I am missing the laughter! Although, many of the emailers seem to think I am a man with a small Willy which would make me susceptible to enlarger purchases.
I have used the Dyson drier in an IKEA, and although there was no scraping involved it blew the water off so fast I was shocked. Thank you so much for this post!
Oh Julie, I'm laughing my head off about your reference to enlargers! 🤣 Thank you so much for reading!