153. ✒️ A letter to Terry: reply #24-12

An apple for the teacher, and orientating myself with words, not landmarks.

Jun 12, 2024

12 calendar date — Photo by charlesdeluvio on Unsplash

In which Rebecca goes back to school, doesn’t resort to Googling the solution to Terry’s baffling crossword clue, and asks readers for their suggestions for a picture caption.

✒️

This is the latest letter in my regular, informal correspondence with Substacker and fellow Brit Terry Freedman, in which we take turns every other Wednesday to delve into the things that British people talk about the most. So that you can explore these unashamed clichés for yourself we’re inviting you to read our letters over our shoulders.

Yesterday, June 11, was the second anniversary of the publication of my first post on Substack!

My next ‘Dear Reader, I’m lost’ post will be published on Saturday.

Dear Terry,

Thank you for your recent letter, in which you shared your thoughts on Macbeth in graphic-novel style and offered welcome insights into the potentially debilitating and hard-to-manage condition of Type 2 diabetes. As a Type 1 patient I found huge value in your commentary, and can absolutely relate to your note that ‘supplementing [your] diet with chocolate and sandwiches between meals’ is not helpful even when the rest of your diet is ‘healthy’.

As you and others familiar with ‘Dear Reader, I’m lost’ will know, I struggle to navigate using either visual features, a compass or even a simple map, and I don’t often recognise what a place looks like even when I’ve been there before.

Well, Jim and I spent last weekend in London, and I didn’t get lost once. I hope you’re impressed. We stayed at a campsite we’d visited before, and when we checked in I remembered that last time the staff had given us a map to show us how to get to the Tube station. Having forgotten to bring it along, I asked if we could be furnished with another.

‘We don’t need a map!’ Jim told them. ‘We know exactly how to get there.’

I was staggered. ‘However can you remember?’ I asked him, frustrated that I had no such confidence.

‘I’ll recognise it, of course. We’ve walked that route before, haven’t we?’

Terry, Jim often teases me that even on repeat journeys I behave as if I’m seeing the route for the first time, and he’s right. On this occasion, though, I surprised myself. We were at the gate of the campsite, and I spotted a street sign.

‘Oh, we cross over here and go straight down there!’ I announced. Jim looked ~~impressed~~ stunned.

‘Did you recognise the road?’ he asked me.

‘No, they all look the same to me. But look – it’s Crumpsall Street. I know the name.’

With that, I identified for the first time the way in which Jim and I see the world so differently. He is drawn to what things look like; the landscape, its landmarks, and the space inhabited by things, and in his work as a photographer he is constantly assessing his surroundings using his visual processing abilities. For me, though, it’s all about the words; I knew that Crumpsall Street was the road we had to take, because I had seen the sign before.

And what was I doing in London? Well, I’d booked on your course at City Lit, which – as you’d admitted in your last letter – you ‘could not resist plugging at every opportunity’.

On my arrival at the college I had immediately attempted to curry favour by bringing an apple for the teacher, and although I was disappointed that my gift won me precisely no special treatment during the entire morning session I was nevertheless pleased to see you enjoying it during the lunchbreak.

red apple fruit on four pyle books — Photo by Element5 Digital on Unsplash

Terry, I had a terrific day learning about OuLiPo and how to use its fascinating techniques to spark my own writing projects, and enjoyed working alongside and workshopping ideas with my fellow students. I’m looking forward to writing more about this in a forthcoming Saturday post – so watch this space!

I was so pleased that Saturday also provided the opportunity for us to catch up as a foursome, and I was just as surprised as you were when I didn’t shower you with coffee or milk during our double date at Caffe Nero! Readers will remember reports of both deluges from your account – and mine – of our first meeting last October. Jim and I really enjoyed catching up with you and Elaine. 😊😊😊😊

Our arrival back in East Sussex on Sunday was marked by a bumpy lurch as the van encountered its first pothole since leaving London, and again we found ourselves wishing we lived in an area where ~~the council could be bothered to FIX THE ROADS~~ the road maintenance budget still had some room in it.

Speaking of potholes, I think you’ll like this letter to the editor of the Telegraph, which I spotted in the edition published on June 1, 2024:

🌴

Terry, you – and indeed anyone reading this letter over our shoulders – are invited to come up with a caption or title for this photograph:

To help, let me set some context:

Characters: student (left) and teacher (right)
Location: London
Weather: British, windy

I’m glad you’d enjoyed solving my homemade crossword clue – well done! I’m afraid to say that again I struggled with yours, but you were kind to give me a tip in this e-mail exchange of ours:

A reminder of your clue:

What an incompetent deep sea diver must do to get rid of an irritation? (4, 2, 2, 7)

I’d quickly worked out that the two 2-letter words must be prepositions – At? In? Of? 🤔 – but then became frustrated when I realised that ‘incompetent’ was not, as I’d imagined, a hint in the clue to seek out an anagram.

Finally I looked deeper (pardon the pun) and put myself in the ~~flippers~~ shoes of a diver. If I were one, where would I be hanging out? Well, at the bottom of the ocean, of course. And then I’d got it. Ready, Terry?

What an incompetent deep sea diver must do to get rid of an irritation?
COME UP TO SCRATCH!

🏆

Here’s one for you, which is from the prize crossword in the Daily Telegraph published last Saturday:

Spacesuit, no uniform, ordered for dreamer (8)

Let me know how you get on!

Jim and I had taken the crossword to the pub one weekend afternoon some years ago, and one of the regulars, having spotted us struggling with it, came over to talk to us.

‘I’ve got a crossword clue for you!’ he said. ‘Overworked postman’.

‘How many letters?’ we both asked at once.

‘THOUSANDS!’

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I’m already looking forward to the next crossword clue you send my way!

All the very best,

Rebecca

If you’ve enjoyed reading this letter to Terry, please let me know by clicking the heart. Thank you! My next ‘Dear Reader, I’m lost’ post will be published on Saturday.

Dear Reader, I'm lost

Discussion about this post