2. Mindset over matter
Prioritising the want-tos over the have-tos.
Dear Reader,
The three things I feel I need to accomplish every day for the sake of my sanity are to read, to write and to move. Strictly speaking these had always been want-tos rather than have-tos, but lately, with an encouraging kick from my size-nine boots, they have been rising like cream to the top of my list in a delicious overhaul of my priorities.
My typical habit of prioritising the have-tos over the want-tos would never seem to give me an opportunity to engage with the nice stuff. Sure, I’d go to work, the house would be clean(ish), the wardrobes would be full of clean clothes that were even ironed and there would always be half-decent packed lunches and then a hot meal for supper, but these would usually be at the expense of losing the want-tos altogether. Whenever I arranged to do all of the have-tos before spending any hard-earned time on the want-tos I would find myself at the end of the day dog-tired and stressed realising I hadn’t done any of my stuff. And it would only ever be the want-tos that got lost.
I didn’t think about this too much until I ground to a halt in early May. I’d become overwhelmed with the have-tos, and had got myself into such a state that my wheels fell off.
Again.
A cold that wasn’t Covid but was somehow so much more than a cold took hold of me, clung on and settled, rattling, in my chest.
And then I didn’t want to even want the want-tos! My brain and body just wouldn’t engage with them.
Five weeks after my last walk I tied my red bootlaces in double knots and strode off on my favourite short route. As lane gave way to track and then grassy footpath I was upset to see that in my absence the landscape had lost its patience. Where before I’d been gauging daily the progress of spring, the spring had overtaken me. Now that June was well underway, the bluebells, ramsons and hedge-heavying hawthorn blossom of early May had given way to buttercups, thigh-high grasses and guelder roses. The timid lambs I’d first met before they’d grown into their wrinkly skins were now fat as butter, boisterous and bullying like stroppy teenagers, and the narrowest footpath on my route, the part I call the ‘hollow hedge’, was so overgrown that my bare forearms got scratched and dirty as I fought my way through.
Reader, getting back out there was amazing.
Since that walk I have been prioritising my want-tos. I read, write and move daily, even if it’s just for a little while. I read both when I wake up and before I go to sleep. I’m writing every day, even if it’s just working through a few starting words exercises between getting some of my have-tos done. To move, I either bounce around to a YouTube exercise video between breakfast and my shower, or I go for a walk – anything from half an hour to four hours or more (those longer walks are what my weekends are for!).
So instead of being bullied by my list, I take control of it. The have-tos don’t swamp the want-tos any more, nor am I leaving the want-tos until last. They don’t sink to the bottom of my list, because now they’re the cream at the top of it.
I read.
I write.
I move.
And once I’ve ticked these three things off my list for the day I will often find that in accomplishing them I have made the things that really matter in my life matter more, and the things that really don’t matter feel as if they don’t matter quite so much.
It’s a start. Let’s keep those wheels on.
Thank you for reading! Keep well.
Love,
Rebecca
If you enjoyed this post, please let me know by clicking the heart. Thank you!
Let me know what your three want-tos are. Do you find them getting lost amongst all your have-tos?
Thank you for reading! If you enjoy ‘Dear Reader, I’m lost’, please share and subscribe for free.